Tuna Sandwiches Will Be Involved
by finchily
Summary: Eridan is sitting in a bar wearing a tube top. Justin Bieber walks in. Canon compatible, believe it or not!


**AN: Written by request of my dear friend WombatGirl. This is her OTP.**

**I do not own Homestuck, nor do I own Justin Bieber. No disrespect is intended to the person of Mr. Bieber. I am sure he has a very rewarding relationship with his beard-I-mean-girlfriend Selena...**

**Enjoy the show.  
**

**AN 2: No substantive changes. Just fixing spelling errors and changing the rating - I think I was a little over-cautious before. Also, "==" indicates an arrow, as FFN keeps deleting the little pointy end symbols.**

* * *

Your name is Justin Drew Bieber. You are eighteen years old. You are obsessed with the color PURPLE and are a BLATANT HOMOSEXUAL, despite your possession of an ATTRACTIVE GIRLFRIEND and several million DEVOTED TEENAGE FANGIRLS.

You are standing in a BAR of DUBIOUS REPUTABILITY while wearing PURPLE PAJAMAS. This circumstance strikes you as odd, because your last memory is of falling asleep in your LUXURIOUSLY APPOINTED BEDROOM. The bar appears to be empty, save for a girl in a tube top sitting at the counter.

== Be the girl in the tube top.

You cannot be the girl in the tube top. There are no girls in this bar.

== Be the unidentified being in the tube top.

You are Eridan Ampora. Your age is immaterial, as you are currently DEAD. You are responsible for the MURDER of numerous of your FELLOWS and hence are stuck inhabiting a Dream Bubble in which you are UTTERLY ALONE. Or not.

"Love the purple." A voice from behind interrupts your drunken musings. It is a suspiciously high-pitched, almost feminine voice, but your trained ear identifies it as belonging to a prepubescent male human. You turn.

Your first thought is "How has he not hit puberty yet?"

Your second thought is an incoherent jumble of sexual desire as a rush of hormones makes its way to your brain.

What comes out of your mouth, however, is far more ordinary.

"Derse Dreamer, huh? A man after my own heart."

The nature of this comment has the unfortunate effect of drawing your attention to the pajamas, and your skin begins to tingle.

Given that the worlds created by fertile Sburb sessions must, after all, be peopled, the game possesses a feature intended to facilitate that.

Dream-self pajamas are transparent.

Your appreciative looks do not go unnoticed on the part of their receiver. So much for small talk.

== Be the human in the purple pajamas.

"Uhh…" You intend to ask the person-you-thought-was-a-girl-that-apparently-isn' t some very important questions (Why is your skin gray? Why do you have horns? Why are you sitting in a dirty bar wearing a skirt and a tube top when you're a guy younger than me?), but nothing comes out right.

One thought screams its way through your head over and over until it's nothing but a garbled mess that sounds like one of your hit singles: _I could get laid_.

"So," you hear yourself say, "What's your name?"

Thirty minutes and four drinks later, you aren't sure you remember your own.

"You're hot."

"So're you."

"But you're a guy… uhh… how's this gonna work?"

Your companion seems in marginally better shape than you are.

"You put your thing in, and then you… you… ah, screw this. Have another beer."

Twenty minutes after that, you're convinced the room is upside down.

"Th' worl's endin'," slurs the alien (Eridan, was it?) next to you. You nod, unsure how to respond. His next words, however, are infinitely more interesting.

"Let's go t' bed."

"T'gether?"

"'Course."

You move to get up and find yourself on the floor.

"Uhh…"

Eridan puts your arm over his shoulders.

"This place have a back room?" you ask. Eridan snaps his fingers.

"Does now." You stagger off towards a door behind the bar when a thought manages to break through the alcohol fog around your brain.

"So, is there, uh, anythin' kooky I oughta know 'bout?"

He looks at you and flashes a grin that makes you blush and get all hot inside.

"I'm a seatroll, Bieber. Tuna sandwiches will be involved."


End file.
